Best Goddamned Dive Bars in the East Village

1. Gigi’s Place

One word: legendary. Gigi’s is THE place to be in the whole goddamned East Village.

2. FBI Bar

If you know “East Village” is just pansy code for the goddamned Lower East Side, FBI is where you should be at 3am on a Tuesday. Goddamnit!

3. Stump’s (formerly 9A Bar)

It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday and the beautiful post-tweens of Manhattan are stampeding toward the latest microbrewery funplex tucked behind a broom closet on Delancey. Bulldoze right past them to Avenue D, where Stump’s has been doing it right for the past thirty-five goddamned years. The floor’s covered in sawdust, and so is the rest of the place. It’s a tribute to 9A, where the “craft cocktail” was just a goddamned tumbler of woodchips, so you’re goddamned right they’re not changing it. [Correction: now a Sweetgreen.]

4. Chauncey’s Old-Time Saloon

What can we say about Chauncey’s? Better just check it the goddamned hell out next time you’re on 9th between 1st and A.

5. Bernice’s

This is where it all started. Where the Goo Goo Dolls decided they’d sing exclusively in English. Where W. H. Auden coined the term “junk mail” while mainlining absinthe cut with vermouth. Where the Velvet Underground first learned about the Iran hostage crisis. If you even care one goddamned bit about yourself you’ll get the hell off the couch and go spend the rest of your life in a booth at Bernice’s, because that’s what it means to be punk, goddamnit. (Now takes Discover.)