Best NoHo Wine Bars in which to Propose to your Fiancée’s Sister

1. Alcantara Wine Bar (129 Mercer)

Lose your phone in this lusophone wino zone so you can focus on the task at hand: ditching your future wife for her hot younger sister. Exposed brickwork and reclaimed wooden tables nicely complement the tawny ports and bacalao fritters, creating the perfect ambiance for an explosive family conflict that will take a generation to resolve. Live jazz on Thursday.

2. 29Bond (34 Bond)

This industrial-chic local hangout is built for the modern man on a mission, especially if that mission is legally binding yourself to the sibling of your fiancée. 29Bond, which relocated in June from 23 Bond, pairs innovative cocktails with an inventive menu of small plates that are just what you need after dropping a cartoon safe on your engagement. Accepts reservations for parties of four or more, so bring your sister-wife’s third sister along too. Hey, is she single? 😉

3. Essex//Sussex (297 Bowery)

When it comes to proposing to your fiancée’s sister, there’s only one NoHo wine bar you want to be in when it’s time to take that tricky first step, and that wine bar is Essex//Sussex. Snag a corner table for two, pretend to scan the well-rounded menu of deconstructed British pub fare, and then look your fiancée right in the forehead and tell her you’re going to marry her sister.

4. Giancarlo’s Wine Bar (19 Great Jones)

Just hear those wedding bells jingling, ring ting tingling too (ring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-dead!). Or at least that’s the music they’ll play at your fiancé’s funeral because the only way out of this logjam is to bring her to Giancarlo’s Wine Bar and drop some arsenic into her 2010 Moscato. In a few days, she’ll “catch cold” and her sister will be “there for you.”  Let a few months go by then bring her back to the place where it all began: Giancarlo’s Wine Bar.

5. Ren’s Sake Bar (434 Lafayette)

OK this isn’t a “wine” bar but it just might do the trick. Ask to sit in the ceremonial section where it’s custom to sip sake while sitting on one knee. Ripe for confusion. Ripe for proposing to your fiancée’s sister.