The Best Little Sweets in Grandma’s Purse Right Now

Werther’s Original 

Literally the original Werther’s – this one’s been in here since the war.

Those Shiny Little Strawberry Candies

Hard as nails but shiny as all hell. The wrapper looks like a strawberry but inside it’s just a marble. Suck on that!

Necco Wafers

Legally Necco Wafers aren’t food, but dump a sleeve of them into a bowl of borscht and they bring out a certain je ne sais quoi. These versatile little buggers are also a great substitute for chalk, and surprisingly effective against Montezuma’s Revenge. Grandma’s got you covered!

Old Chapstick

No chap to see here — this chapstick’s just the stick. Twist it, twirl it, spin it, bop it – just don’t try to moisten your lips with this plastic icepick. Might be some melted Werther’s lodged in there, though, so have a poke around with your tongue when Grandma’s not looking.

Lexus Keys

An actual set of keys to a tan Lexus LS430. Score! Take it for a spin, but don’t leave the driveway without drowning yourself in Grandma Perfume. Want to know the best part? Jam your hand between the seat and the center console, because there’s a whole new chapstick down there. We won’t tell if you won’t!