Foods to Get You In the Mood

1. Egg

Ah, the egg. Crack open this voluptuous food for a wonderful evening of erotic explorations.

2. Baklava

As my Yiayia and Papou used to say: You gotta hit the ‘klava before you go any fahtha! Stick your penis in some baklava and get ready for the ride of your life.

3. Watermelon

Oooooh! The ruby red flesh of the melon family’s most watery member will propel your member into December, if you know what I mean. Glue some googly eyes on the rind and get ready to wine, dine, and kiss that rind! Tell your girlfriend you’re busy tonight because your friend from Carnegie Melon is “randomly in town!” 

4. Hummus

Yeah, that’s right. You have a girlfriend. But I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good screwin’ food, then just keep on screwing food til the cashiers at Whole Foods have you on a watch list. Hummus isn’t just a superfood, it’s a superwife

5. Panang Curry

Watermelon still doesn’t know you shotgun married Hummus last fall? Yikes, this is gonna get ugly, especially when they both find out at the same time that you still keep some Panang in the fridge for when everyone’s away on business. Exotic and spicy, yes, but oh, things are only heating up….