In Thanksgiving First, Trump Asks Turkey For Pardon

WASHINGTON, D.C. — American history was made today at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, where at approximately 2:00pm eastern standard time, President Donald Trump asked for an official pardon from a Thanksgiving turkey.

“This could really throw a wrench in our plans,” said chairman of the House Intelligence Committee Adam Schiff. “There is zero constitutional precedent for avian pardons.”

At press time, the situation remains extremely fluid, with many political pundits unsure how to respond.

“For the first time in my professional life, I’m at a loss for words,” whispered a dazed Chuck Todd into a switched-off camera. “A bird named Squonky might pardon a sitting president.”

According to initial reports, President Trump has already claimed victory, tweeting that Squonky immediately offered him a “FULL & UNCONDITIONAL PADRON,” which he called a “tremendous win!” and a “big, big win!” He plans to respond by pardoning the country of Turkey later this afternoon.

It should be noted that Squonky declined to pardon Vice President Pence, who has instead been sentenced to death.