Government Whistleblower Opens Times Square Restaurant

NEW YORK, NY – Capitalizing on the success of his character arc in the Trump Show, the Government Whistleblower did what all celebs must one day do: open a theme restaurant in the heart of Times Square. Sandwiched between the Hard Rock Cafe and Bubba Gump Shrimp, Blow Town offers impeachment freaks the chance to dine like they do in The District. 

Inside, you’ll find whistles at every table and placemats silkscreened with the transcript of Trump’s Ukraine call. Was it perfect? Decide for yourself! Ready to order? Text Rudy Giuliani “call me” and he’ll be right over to help you in ways you never thought possible. 

For an appetizer, sample the calamari “Squid Pro Quo,” which pairs inexplicably well with the house cocktail: a White Russian. Thursdays at 8, don’t miss Queen Peach herself perform cabaret in “I’m Peach Mint,” what Blow Town calls “the sauciest Impeachment drag show in midtown.” 

While you wait for your meal, pose with cardboard cutouts of your favorite fringe members of the House Judiciary Committee. Hakeem Geoffries? Check. Sheila Jackson Lee? Check. Lucy McBath? Check please! 

All we can say is: Pete Wells, good luck to you.