These Three Brexit Strongholds Actually Have Amazing Scandinavian Lunch Options

1. Swellingham West, home to Nørsk

Swellingham West’s primary manufacturing area of Dobston may look, smell, and feel like a Eurosceptic’s fever dream, but this woebegone country town actually boasts a world-class Norwegian farm-to-table restaurant right on its high street. 

2. Cumberlandcestershire, home to Havn Of Cumberlandcestershire

The fiercely conservative constituency of Cumberlandcestershire, wedged between the pro-Brexit heartlands of North Leicestershire and West Hampstershire South, overwhelmingly voted to leave the European Union, but that didn’t stop Finnish celebrity chef Främ Lundt from opening a stylish Scandinavian joint smack in the middle of its biggest town. Three years on, the residents of this forgotten county remain resolutely in favor of a hard Brexit, but based on the lunchtime crowds at Havn of Cumberlandcestershire, one thing remains certain: deal or no deal, Cumberlandcestershire just wouldn’t be Cumberlandcestershire without Havn of Cumberlandcestershire.

3. East Twixton North, home to Mälm

If you’d told me after the 2016 Brexit vote that Rene Redzepi, the mastermind behind Noma, would shutter his Copenhagen game-changer and move to a Dickensian hellhole north of South Dottingham and just east of West Twombley, I would have laughed you right out Hamchester (between Chesthampton and Clamcestershire). But I guess it’s time for me to eat my wjords, because Redzepi has opened Noma successor Mälm in a corner of Britain so decisively pro-Brexit that he has to show his passport just to come into work. East Twixton North may have voted conclusively to send England back to the stone age, but Mälm’s midday menu of locally foraged mushrooms and Danish wildflowers is definitive proof that Great Britain and New Nordic cuisine are stronger together. Reservations essential. No foreigners.