Where To Go For A Light Lunch After Your Grandmother Reminds You That Dame Judi Dench Is Practically Blind

We’ve all been there. Here are some lunch spots to have up your sleeve next time Grammy invokes the Dame’s rapidly failing eyesight.

ARROZ

Picture the scene: you’re having a loving talk with your maternal forebear when she asks you when you’re going to get married already. Uh oh – time to bring in the big guns. You deftly shift the focus away from your lack of romantic prospects and toward the North Star of all grandmotherly conversations – that is to say, Dame Judi Dench – but Grams takes the wind out of your sails by reminding you that Judi Dench is almost completely blind. That’s precisely when Arroz comes in: order the chicken rice with a side of plantain chips and forget this whole thing ever happened. 

THE PLAINVIEW DINER

Some days you’re the windscreen, and some days you’re the bug sweating through his dockers wondering how to steer the conversation with Bubbe away from Dame Judi Dench’s deteriorating vision. Well get ready to jam your knife into that glass ketchup bottle, because the Plainview Diner was literally born for situations like this. The lamb gyro may be a chicken Caesar, but you can’t go wrong with the Plainview’s extra crispy waffle fries, especially when your primary raison d’être is easing the conversation away from the appalling visual faculties of British cinema’s aging doyenne. Ask for the soup du jour, and thank us later for having such a deep Dench bench.

THE TOAST CAFE

You’re in the clear: an entire morning with Nana without having to explain that you aren’t raising your schnauzer Jewish. Why not take a victory lap? A knowing smile crosses your face as you lean in to tell your mother’s mother that you “just saw the most delightful movie, Grandma: ‘Tea With The Dames,’ starring Dame Judi Dench.” Checkmate! You absolutely nailed this G’Ma outing! Or so you think: “You know,” your nana replies, “Judi Dench practically blind. It’s terrible, just terrible.” Christ. You’ve really buggered this one, chappie; better hightail it over to The Toast Cafe, order some light lunch, and think about the choices that led you to this point. It was probably your decision to raise your dog Muslim, but let’s call a spade a spade: you wouldn’t be in this pickle if the grand dame of the silver screen could see two feet in front of her dame face. Anyway, the food here is mediocre but at least it’s close and there’s parking. Get the German chocolate cake mit schlag – life is short, and trust us, your eyes won’t last forever.