The Most Loosely Bound Granola Bars on The Planet Earth

1. Nature Valley Chewy

When you open the wrapper, it’s like sand pouring out of a bag.

2. Quaker Oats Chewy

You’re in the backseat of a Honda and you’re feeling a little peckish. You start feeling around your bag for a little something and you pull out a Quaker Oats Chewy – score! Then your mom’s 2010 CR-V hits a pothole and all I’m gonna say is: good luck. That bar is DUST.

3. Nutri-Grain Breakfast Bars (Chewy Kind)

Sneeze and it’s gone. These bars have the constitution of a sheltered fourth grader who just tried beef rendang for the first time at his Indonesian best friend’s house. Seriously, to get this thing into your mouth in one piece you need hands steadier than a surgeon who himself is under anesthesia – and that’s before the bar kicks around in your purse for two hours while you peruse a Neiman Marcus. Buy a lottery ticket if you get through one of these without crumbing out.

4. Fiber One Chewy Bars

Who among us hasn’t reached for a Fiber One Chewy after finishing a Pure Barre class only to rip open the wrapper to basically find – you guessed it – sand pouring out of a bag.

5. Kind Bar Chewy

OK, I stand corrected! As of 2019, Miriam Webster’s Oxford English Dictionary defines “chewy” as being “like sand pouring out of a bag.” So, I guess I’ll eat that Clif Bar at the bottom of my backpack that’s still intact after my 4-month cross-country bicycle trip (which, by the way, was VERY fun).

Alas, for those of us still searching for that Goldilocks granola bar that lies somewhere between solid rectangle and completely disintegrated, we can only hope the answer might still be out there…