Watch Out: These Bowls of Soup Are Big Enough to Lose Your AirPods In

If you’re like me, you can’t eat soup unless you’re listening to a podcast. Here are my recommendations.

1. Big Bowl Pho

The Pho at Big Bowl Pho

This bowl of Pho is nothing short of big. Filled with noodles of seemingly infinite length, if your AirPods fall into this one you can kiss them goodbye.

2. Bobby’s Big Bowls

People love Bobby’s Big Bowls, but for me it’s always been a catch 22. I really want to eat Bobby’s soup while listening to NPR – in fact, I can’t eat this soup unless Audie Cornish is letting me know who won the MacArthur Genius Grants. The soup here is good, I just try to keep my head perfectly still so my AirPods don’t fall into the liquid dark.

3. Tommy’s Delicatessen

I can’t even walk into this restaurant without This American Life going at full blast. The Matzo Ball Soup is big enough for five, but, since it’s just me doing these reviews, I have it all to myself. Getting this soup down is what pays the bills, so I am going to do it. I just pray to God that I don’t get startled and shake my AirPods loose into this wet bowl of fathomless depth.

4. Mobley’s Soup Megaplex

Conan O’Brien needs a friend, and I need to keep these AirPods in my ears or else they will tumble so deeply into this fluid abyss that I will never retrieve them. Do you know what it’s like to end up doing soup reviews for a living? Do you? I try not to think about it, which is why I listen to podcasts while I work.

5. The Three Wolves

They’re serving borscht in a cauldron here, so I am really going to need a distraction if I’m going to make it through this review. In this liquid world, Sarah Koenig’s disembodied voice is my only friend. …My god, what will Papa say? Harvard boy became a soup taster! And worse yet, AirPods don’t fit quite right in my ears, so I just know that if I tilt my head even slightly these AirPods are gone and then there’s nothing between my thoughts and my reality of endless soup. Steady now…

6. Souptastrophe

My hand shakes and The New York Times Daily blows me deaf as I raise the spoon to my trembling mouth. Since the bowls here are so big, I can see my entire reflection in the broth. I look at myself and looking back at me is nothing but a big-eared failure who they won’t even let review solid food. Even if they do let me graduate to the solids, everyone will know what I am. I’m a soup boy. I’m a soupy soupy soup boy who failed out of Harvard on account of some bad broth. I’m sorry Papa! I’m sorry!!

In closing, this restaurant is worth the trip overall but service is questionable.